Idiotically in love
by Fish-balls
Summary: Pain.. yes, Pain... but I'd rather experience it than seeing you suffer.. what could you do if the person you love was too naive to see you?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Mai-HiME/ Mai-OTOME, neither the characters used in this story. XD they belong to sunrise!**

**Sorry, I were not able to update the 2 stories I have launched that fast, I had an HTML thing here, so I need to memorize until I die. 'Only way that I can do' will be released on monday or tuesday. I'm still writing something on 'breaking the ice' so i dunno when will that be updated.. **

**Anyways, just one shot for you, for taking things so long.. I hope you like it. Please review!!! *bows head* **

**enjoy!  
**

* * *

_Another hour.._

_Another day..._

_Another pain.._

"Ei, Natsuki, have you ever tried to fall in love?" Mai sat beside me as she ask that question which I replied flatly "huh? that's nonsense, you know i didn't right?, i don't have time." though I know to myself..._'It's just too damn hard to hide'_

"I see! err, I just asked because you and Shizuru were always together!, you share your lunch to each other, and might I add you two are the best duo here in Fuuka!!"

"She's just my close friend! my best friend!" I gulped slowly and continued.. "not..nothing more.."

I heard some footsteps getting close to us, so I turned my head to were it is just to find a cheerful Shizuru at my back, she placed her arms to my shoulders and leaned on them. "Natsuki...." she murmured to my ear.

"S-stop doing...I mean, What do you mean? is something wrong?" I asked back, she snuggled closer to me and answered, "He likes me too..."

_'I see...yeah, yeah...'_ "Uhm...so, what should I do?" I replied, I know Shizuru liked Kanzaki that much, and I do really really know that Kanzaki likes her too. I plastered a smile for my friend and stood up. She tilted her head because of confusion and asked "Natsuki?"

"Congratulations...Be happy." I plainly stated, I hugged her tightly as I can, atleast, as a friend, I can let her feel how I loved her much, How I really care for her more than anything..

Mai was shocked. She pointed her index finger to Shizuru, "Ss..so if you're taken, then Natsuki will be left behind!", the brunette chuckled in return, "Ara, Mai, Natsuki is just my best friend, I won't leave her, don't worry, we will always be best friends, forever.."

"Best friends?" I asked.

"Yes, why? you don't want to?" she replied..

"hehe..Ofcourse you are my best friend." _'NO MORE chances..Idiot.'_

A phone rang, as I have remembered, the ringing tone was from Shizuru's, she pulled off her phone and flip it up, "Natsuki! look!" she said as she held the phone to a better view for me, "' I love you Shizuru! ' it's from Reito" she stated, mouthing the words happily, she then, replied and flipped her phone off, "Gomen ne~ Natsuki...If we wouldn't be able to have lunch together, you know, I need to have time for Reito-kun..."

"I...err...I-It's okay! yeah, okay, just go, I'll eat." I fakingly chuckled, I put my hands to her shoulders to turn her around, "Just have a wonderful lunch, M'kay?" I slowly led her to the door and push her out gently "Have fun." I trailed off.

"Thank you Natsuki." A gentle cheek kiss was placed on me.

* * *

Who would ever thought such famous student of Fuuka Kuga Natsuki, will fall in love into another famous girl Shizuru Fujino? Since I met her, it's like I'm always having my adrenalin rush to anything I do. She used to have textmates on her phone, particularly boys, sensual dancing and tea ceremony were her games...

She was my total opposite...

I don't use my phone on such terms of having a textmate but except, If I need to know anything about schools and the like, breakdancing or hip hop was my favorite, basketball and PC games were my field.

She likes adorable stuffs and preppy things...pink does suit her..

I like animes, and robo stuffs and figures.

In our first meeting she approached me for my name, and we got to know each other a little.

_day by day._

_time by time._

_Always.._

She doesn't miss the time to greet me 'good morning! Natsuki, have you breakfast don't skip!' or 'Goodnight Knight in Shining armor'.. ever since we became close, I became her body guard, she became my adviser, she was the _closest_...to me.

But it really hurts to know how my love was this complicated...I've been her pet, I used to make her happy in some ways were she could forget her sadness after breaking up with her exes. I use to be her cuddle bear everytime she is scared.

Texting is such a case...for me.

One day, while we were having our lunch break, a guy with his toothy grin plastered on his face came by infront of us, introducing himself as Reito Kanzaki.

Her eyes seem to sparkle as if they were diamonds..that time...

_That time I was nothing.._

I sighed heavily as we walk towards our room with him, after that he bid his goodbye and walked off, leaving Shizuru at daze. I stood up in front of her. "Hey! what's with that damn look?"

"R-Reito...I like him..."She trailed off.

_'Ouch...That hurts..what about me? the one who had been with you always?.'_ I mentally complained.. "I see" I answered. "Err..Shizuru, what if someone likes you yet, that person was another girl?"

"Uhm, that's pretty hard, but, I'll say thank you.."she answered flatly.

_'Double ouch.'_

_

* * *

_

And now the ShizRei couple had launched... holding hands while walking, smiling...like there was nothing. As if they were in their own paradise were the name 'Natsuki' doesn't occur.

_She had forgotten me.._

_She had replaced me.._

I was nothing but a past time companion from the first place...

"Natsuki, you seem to be dull these past weeks, why is it?" once again, Mai was the one who had shared her lunch with me. "Natsuki?"

"err...y-yes?" I absentmindedly replied.

"Ever since Shizuru was not with you, it's like you have no energy...tell me, does Shizuru mean something to you?" that was a straight to the point question. But I don't have to get surprised, Mai is such a frank person.

I nodded.

"Natsuki...." I received a pat from her for comfort. "look, why didn't you say that thing while you were together? while you have your time?"  
I shooked my head with fear. "I can't...being her friend is the best way to love her.. to care for her...", she beamed a smile for me. "It's not that late..besides...there's nothing wrong about trying.."

"What I fear is her, getting disgusted with me..ruining our friendship and such.." I heard no reply from her, I stood up and smiled a little. "Advises is such a great thing Mai..Thank you."

"Trying can't kill you. but really...it's hard if it's a failure." I added.

* * *

"Natsuki?" her angelic voice spoke once again as we walk on the corridor halls for home. "Yes?" I replied casually, I do really missed her voice actually.

"Do you think I already found the one?...I mean does real love exists with Reito?" She paused her actions and stopped infront of me, waiting for an answer. "Err..I don't know."

"Natsuki."

"Yeah?"

"You're spoiling.."

"I know."

"Then tell me.."

"I don't know anything about that."

"Natsuki!~"

"Shizuru!" and that was the first time she pinched my nose gently for being such a tease. "Ouch!"

"Ikezu." she murmured, then I started to continue walking, leaving her on her spot, pouting. Stopping on the mid way leaving 4 or 5 yards away from her I talked. "Do you want to know if a person really loves you?"

"Ara, Natsuki?"

"If that person can't resist by looking back to where she left her most precious person or continuously making such way just to see that person safe and sound. just atleast, to check you up if you were alright, if you were not alone."**(1)** Then and there I turned to face her.

"Ara?" she tilted her head, a sign of confusion.

"Next time...listen to me and watch carefully.."

"I did listen..but.."

"No buts, hurry up and we'll go home."

"Okay, wait for me there Natsuki." She ran onto me and together we walked happily.

* * *

The days had gone fast, the more we became together the more she draws herself to me, the more I fell for her.. but one thing I couldn't stop myself from getting hurt..

"She was taken." I said to no one.

"And so the duo was gone..." a group of students murmured. I turned around to face them, just to see sad faces looking at me, as if they were left by the greatest people in the world. They scattered two by two, leaving me alone.

-

"Ara, Natsuki...I forgot that we had an assignment on English.."

"What should we do?"

"Uhm...please? help..me?"

I scratched my head because of getting irritated. _'damn Kanzaki...'_ "Tell me...your boyfriend?"

"H-Hai..." a pink tinge on her cheeks was now on the loose.

"Next time, have a date every weekends, not weekdays..you don't have to forget your studies because of this commitment.."

"We had a fight.." she frowned.

"Now, what?" gritting my teeth silently I gripped my knuckles and calmly continued, "Could I kill him?"

"No, please."

"Do this for the 2nd time, and you'll see." with that, I snatched her notebook and pen out of her hand and sat. "Come, I'll teach you."

_'Im such an idiot...for loving you Shizuru.'_

_

* * *

_

A scared and crying Shizuru stumbled towards me at the garden after a week.

"Oi...what happened?" her hug gripped tightly on me as she sob continuously on my shoulders. "Natsuki...don't... leave... me okay?"

"I won't." I plainly replied. "what happened between you and Reito?"

"I can't take it, he's starting to dominate our relationship, he has his rules and everything...I-I can't stand these! I can't move on by myself...It's like I'm forcefully chained... "

"You said you liked him on the first place.."

"I know" she snuggled her face on to my neck, then we sat comfortably under a shade of a tree.. "I know I'm wrong..."

"There's nothing wrong about trying right?" I placed my arms around her and rubbed her back. "Atleast you tried."

"Ara...Then why dont you try to love?" she looked up to me, with her tears pouring down her face.

"Because I know I'll be rejected at the first place.." I replied, rubbing off the tears on her face by my hand.

"How?" she asked again.

"You'll never know."

"Please?"

"that's final.."

"Natsuki.."

"Stop. okay? just cry if you want to."

"mou.."

"I don't want to see you like this again"

I snuggled my head next to her and murmured something to her ear..

"It pains me much more than you do.."

"Natsuki.." her sobbing had stopped, and her heavy breathing started to go at ease. "Ookini.."

* * *

A week after their break up, Shizuru make up all the times she missed with me, step by step our fans were getting alive, our duo was on the process of getting revived.

In contests we win.

In academics we reign.

there nothing like me and Shizuru..

"Ara, Natsuki!" She came closer to me running on the corridor halls. I paused on my spot and looked at her, "what?"

"Could I atleast spare time with you on your apartment?"

I scratched my head again while looking at her and asked. "Why is it?"

"I wanna be in your world.." she answered me flatly, "I really want to.. Natsuki."

"But, you know, a person like you wouldn't be appropriate in there, it's messy." I defended. '_You can't...I shouldn't...these feelings..I'll stop it.'_

"I don't care..just let me...please Natsuki.." she pleaded. there, she placed her head on my shoulder and leaned. "sometimes...what I want to is to be alone with my best friend..."

"err... well.." I got tensed, my face flushed, and processed my answers with difficulty. "I'll..tell you straight...It's not for preppy girls room, and..and it's full of anime figures, all the things that is not your type! and well...well..." I got stocked.

"Is that all?" she replied..

"err. yeah"

She looked up to me and took a step backward. "See you Natsuki." was all she said. Shizuru walked off the corridor smiling, leaving me alone. _'have I offended her?'_

_

* * *

_

It was already time and school hours were already finished, I walked my way to the dorms alone, just to see Shizuru waiting on the entrance gates of the dormitory.

"Shizuru, why are you here?? I told you already."

"Well...I just want to be with you, is that bad?" after that, she handed me a box of crinkles and a jar of mayo. " I bought these for you."

I looked at the two objects for a few seconds then I hesitantly accepted it. "Damn, Shizuru, you don't have to do this."

"But I want to. You've been there for me anyways.." I didn't answer, then I opened the doors for her, gesturing her to come in, she walked inside with me and proceeded to my room.

Opening the door, then lights, the shades of blue and black came in view, flatscreen TV, and collections of my favorite anime stuffs are in there, organized. Although 2 or 4 gamer's magazine were scattered on the floor, I quickly picked them up and hastily put them to were they belong. "So...err.. feel free to look at anything, sorry if this is not your type."

Shizuru scanned the room, placed her finger the top of the table and allowed it to slide as she she look around and have her own tour. "Your room is not bad just like what you always say."

"Uhm..sorry?"

"No need Natsuki.." she answered, still scanning my room.

"Since you are the guest" I pointed the bed, "you are going to sleep in there, while me" I pointed on the couch. "here. I know you don't like sleeping with someone unless you really want to or you were forced to. So, have your time."

"hm..We'll share our time." She started to pull off her school vest which I can't stop to look at, but I shooked my head and started to do my own.

"What do you want for dinner Natsuki?" her hair was now tied into a bun, leaving some hair strands that really make her...beautiful. no. Gorgeous.

"Just anything you'll cook." I answered plainly, I changed my attire into shirt and boxer shorts. I went to the kitchen for company.

"You know." Shizuru started to talk again. "sometimes I am thinking about your question." I got confused. "What question?" I replied. " 'What if someone likes me, yet that person was another girl?' you say."

"Oh. That. Did I repulsed you?" I worriedly asked, I look at her crimson eyes that focuses on the vegetables, they seem to be, happy, or atleast I could say contented. "Ara, Ofcourse not Natsuki. It's just, the thing is..."

"Is?"

"It depends on the person whom you were talking about...who could that person be?" she started cutting the vegetables, putting them in a pan, and started cooking.

I scratched my cheeks and flushed, so I decided to turn around, facing my back to her, so she couldn't see. "I don't know, I just asked."

"but you know Natsuki...If my real love was a girl, I do really hope I already know her."

"I see..hehe." I coughed fakingly and continued. "I'll just be here sitting on the couch okay?"

"Mou, Natsuki, I'am already finished cooking. Fix the table."

"err...yes Ma'am"

"Natsuki!"

-

Dinner was already finished, and Shizuru volunteered to wash the dishes, on the other hand, I cleaned the table and proceeded with my own things, first I picked up my guitar and started to strum a little, making different tones, and reminiscing the songs I already played and mastered. Shizuru then followed and sat beside me, having two warm cups of tea on a tray.

"One thing I really didn't know Natsuki is that you could play a guitar." she stated, eying my fingers that hold the strings.

"well, you didn't ask, besides, what's the point of telling you anyways, every man, I mean boyfriend you have could play, so no need to tell you." I answered, not looking at her, and continuing my practice.

"Your so mean...Natsuki, if you told me earlier, I should have made such standards and such.." she closed the gap between us.

"I see..Alright.." I don't have to say anything..as always.._.'tester, pet, or damn guard._'

"Could you play me a song? Natsuki?" her eyes is surely staring at me although I'm focused on my strumming-strumming activity.

"What song?" I asked then I looked straightly at her crimson eyes, we had a game of stare for a few seconds, I repeated. "What song?"

"Ara, kannin na for staring, uhm..a song that.. you could dedicate for me." she answered, shades of pink came on view as she say those words.

"Well, have you asked that to all of your exes? to your 'Kanzaki baby'?" A light punch was placed on my arm. "Hey!"

"Natsuki no baka.." then she pouted. "Just do it."

"I know, I know. Shizuru... I really am an idiot.." I sighed. "Ara.. Natsuki." I cut her off with a cough. "alright...Kyoto-ben, with what I am going to sing for you, I hope you won't get disgusted or what...I hope this song wouldn't ruin this friendship I cherish most...please..."

"It wouldn't happen Natsuki..." she had all of her attention to the music I will play.

"This is what I feel Shizuru, ever since...you came..." I strummed the guitar accoriding to its chords and sang as good as I can..

**_Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I say would it be a sin_**

**_If I can't help falling in love with you..._**

I stood up to have a good position, I was having a good performance, my voice blends with the music, which I thought it will really be hard for me.

**_Like a river flows  
To the sea  
So it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
Some things are meant to be_**

_"For the 3rd time Shizuru!! why can't you just live your life without someone!!" _

_"Natsuki...It's just, I was looking for the real love I wanted to feel.."_

_"You don't need to find for it.."_

_"why?"_

_"You'll feel it without realizing before your eyes."_

_"Ara,It's impossible.."_

_"It's not. I'm very very much sure about it.."_

_"Mou, you just don't want me to be taken."_

_"Mou, I just don't want you to get hurt."_

_"Natsuki...."_

_**Take my hand  
Take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you**_

**_Like a river flows  
That's the way it goes  
I just can't help fallin' in love with you  
Like a river flows  
That's the way it goes  
Fallin' in love with you  
Like a river flows  
That's the way it goes  
I can't help falling in love with you_**

I finished the song. Panting and blushing, I don't know what to do... I don't know what to say, I saw Shizuru, staring in daze... like she saw something she can't put her eyes off to. I scratched my head and started to talk.

"Did I disgust you?" I asked. I'm too sure to admit I'm really scared to what I was asking. She turned her back from me, speechless..

"Sorry, Shizuru...Sorry.." I laid the guitar gently on the table, and decided to walk to across the bedroom. _'I shouldn't have done that, or...I should have thought of another song..'_

_-_

Few minutes later while laying down on the bed I felt a warm hand that stroked my hair, I quickly sat up straight to look who was that.

"Shi---Shizuru.." I stated, not moving, just staring at those crimson pools that stares back at me.

"Kannin na Natsuki...for being naive..."

"Shizuru. It's okay, it should be better if you haven't known this from the start." she shook her head as I say those words. "No, Natsuki I should have known it from the start.."

"What do you mean?" I asked, pulling her closer to me, engulfing her into the warmest hug I could give, more comfortable than the bedsheets we use.

"The way I feel every time I'm with you... It's different from the men I've been with before... the reason that I can't give the exact answer of your question is that... my heart is open for this kind of relationship...especially...if that kind of love appears to Natsuki... the way you make me feel safe...the way you comfort me every time. The way we are Natsuki... I love it, more than the past relationships I had.."

"Why are you saying this?" I felt her face snuggle up to my neck and change her lying position to were she is more comfortable.

"Because...it pains me to see the one I love suffer, because of me.. myself..."

"Stop saying those words...please.."

"I can't..especially now we are open..tell me.." I felt her hand caress my cheek, after a few seconds, she placed a gentle kiss on my nose, and started cuddling me again.

"I have loved you since the day you came...that's all you need to know Shizuru.."

"Natsuki.."

"And it angers me those wooers that break your heart.."

"...."

That time, she didn't replied, I felt warm tears fell on my shirt and the sound of sobbing started after. She looked up to me with tears, displaying joy and contentment.

"And so I found my real love...I didn't know she was....was just inches apart from me..." she sobbed, but despite of crying, she leaned on closely to me and kissed me gently on my lips. _'I couldn't move.. why is it?'_

Her arms started to hold on to my neck and moved to a comfortable position, this time I kissed her back, holding to her hips I laid her down completely on the bed. She whispered to my ear..

"I do really really love you Natsuki..."

That time I realized...

_'I still loved her in the end...I can't stop it... Natsuki is such an idiot...'_

_

* * *

_

(1)- _just like when you love or like something yet you didn't get it, especially when it's on a stall, you usually look back, yes? it's because it was somewhat important or essential to your life. Though you know in the end you'll still be looking at it, since it was already taken..  
_

**song used:**

**Can't help falling in love with you** - A Teens

**AU**: err, this story had a little similarity on my life now anyways.. I just added some shiznatness. :D

I hope you like it.

* * *


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